I'm an Overcomer

Well, again it has been a while since I have wrote.  I love writing, which is kind of funny I say that because I hated writing papers in high school.    I have been through a lot in the past 2 years of being in Tennessee.  I have seen all types of things. Well lets get on with it.  I am an Overcomer.  My girl Mandisa sings this song.  I have been through so much and I couldn't handle it anymore.  I ended up having to take a leave of absence from work.  I needed to gather my thoughts and finally I realized I wasn't handling things well because I needed more God.  I didn't know where to start.  So I decided to just try a local church.  I walked in and sat in the second row. I immediately started crying.  I knew I needed this.  I spent my entire life going to church and I really loved it growing up.  But it was testing me from the age 18-24.  Then after that I got back into the church hardcore.  It is very hard to find a church like the one we went to in Jacksonville.  We have spent our time in a Godless world since we have been here in Tennessee.  Anyway the pastor came up to me after church and asked if he knew me.  I did advise him hat he didn't.  Then he asked if he could pray for me because it looked like I needed it.  I started crying immediately again.  I felt a bit of relief when I got out of church.  I got in the car and blared the music so loud and starting singing Jamie Grace's Beautiful Day.  But then it got me thinking of the song by Mandisa, Overcomer.  I went the next week.  Now i haven't been back since the first 2 weeks.  I work on Sundays so it is tough.  And I am not going to lie it is always going to be a challenge when you aren't surrounded by your christian friends.  I had decided to take a challenge with Joyce Meyer and that is to study the Bible for 30 days.  It was going great for the first 2 weeks.  Now though I have forgotten a couple of days.  So I make up for it the next day.  I need to to get back to doing it everyday but you know the non Godly world tells you its OK.  But its not.  

My friend Natalie and I are doing a Bible study.  We are doing the Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild.  We have been getting to know each other on more of a Spiritual level.  This past weeks lesson was about how media and other things we do and take in corrupt our time with God.  Well it is going to be a challenge.  I love the Lord and want him to be my whole life and whole heart.  

Just take a look at the video and the lyrics.

MANDISAOvercomer LyricsStaring at a stop signWatching people drive byT. Mac on the radio Got so much on your mind Nothing's really going right Looking for a ray of hopeWhatever it is you may be going through I know He's not gonna let it get the best of youYou're an overcomer Stay in the fight until the final round You're not going under‘Cause God is holding you right now You might be down for a moment Feeling like it's hopeless That's when He reminds You That you're an overcomer You're an overcomerEverybody's been down Hit the bottom, hit the ground Oh, you're not alone Just take a breath, don't forget Hang on to His promises He wants You to knowYou're an overcomer Stay in the fight until the final round You're not going under‘Cause God is holding you right now You might be down for a moment Feeling like it's hopeless That's when He reminds You That you're an overcomer You're an overcomerThe same Man, the Great I am The one who overcame death Is living inside of You So just hold tight, fix your eyes On the one who holds your life There's nothing he can't do He's telling youYou're an overcomer Stay in the fight until the final round You're not going under‘Cause God is holding you right now You might be down for a moment Feeling like it's hopeless That's when He reminds You That you're an overcomer You're an overcomerSo don't quit, don't give in You're an overcomer.

Lyrics taken from: <a href="http://www.phonelyrics.com">PhoneLyrics</a>

One Year Ago!!!

Once upon a time, isn't that how most fairy tales begin. Well this fairy tale may begin that way but what they don't tell you is there can be some issues along the way. Sure Prince Charming and Cinderella got married and they were to live happily ever after. But to be honest it's not always happily sometimes it is they live unhappily ever after. I am also sure that Snow White and the prince weren't always happy. I am sure that she got tired of always being so sweet and when it comes to Cinderella I am sure she got real tired of always cleaning the house since she did it for so many years. So, wait, let me step back a moment I am not saying that I am unhappy in my marriage. I guess, what I am trying to say, is we all have troubles in our marriage and we shouldn't always believe that it's just going to be happily ever after. 

So back to my love story. Yes I met the man of my dreams. The man that was going to love me for me and treat me the way I needed to be treated. So of course we did what any couple in love would do. Which is, got married. Well the first year of marriage was all bliss. Then we moved away to another town. Almost like Dorothy got stuck in the tornado and she wasn't in Kansas anymore. That's right ToTo. Well that is how I felt. And of course I met some people that weren't good for me, almost toxic like the Wicked Witch of the West. Then finally I met the Scarecrow, the Tinman, and the Lion. They were helping me by steering me away from the Wicked Witch of the West and bringing Mike and I back towards the Wizard (God).  

Ok sorry enough with the references but I wanted you to get the point that last year, one year ago we weren't doing that great. Now because we talked to God and had the pastor that married us talk to us. We have changed our whole outlook on things in our lives and each other.  I just can't believe I was ready to throw in the towel. But, you know what, I didn't. In fact today I had to get our marriage license for something and it brought back all the memories from that day and how it was one of the happiest days ever. I just couldn't believe it was 2 years ago. I love you Michael Roberson. You mean the world to me. 

So when the wizard told Dorothy that she could go home any time by clicking her heels three times and saying "There's no place like home!"  Is like God saying to us that we need to get on our knees and pray. 

Joyce Meyer

Don't depend on other people as the source of your happiness or for approval. - Joyce Meyer

Love this.  Saw this and though is Joyce Meyer in my head.  Nope thats not it.  What it is, is God.  God puts things in our path at the right moments.  It was funny to see it because literally a few days before it my friends....hmmmmm.....lets call them Jasmine and Aladdin.  They were discussing with me that this is what I do.  I always depend on others for approval.  I am not sure why I do that to myself, well yes I am, I know why but its not to be discussed right now.  We are to be happy and patient with the lives that God has given us.  I know too many people well let me not say people and just come out and say it GIRLS.  Girls depend on others for approval.  

Approval the action of officially agreeing to do something or accepting something as satisfactory.  Happiness is a mental or emotional stat of well being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.  

The reason that this hits so "close to home" for me, is because when I became a senior advisor at my place of work.  When I came over I wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to do it on my own.  I needed some direction.  I wanted someone to point me in the right direction.  But, now I have come to the realization that I am my own genie.  I don't need to be like that at work.  I now have the confidence that I can do anything.  I got my promotion because I had qualities of a leader and that I didn't need to be managed.   So I got this. I won't be depending on others for my happiness. 

Language

I hate when there is something that alters my mood so much. I said something's that hurt someone and the only reason I did it is because I was hurting. Feeling this way makes me so upset. I am usually a very happy person. I do a very good job of not letting things bother me. But, when there is something wrong. I can tell. It's like a switch. A little light switch and when it's on I am very very happy and nothing can tear me down. Sometimes though the switch goes in the middle and I am still okay but I get lonely sometimes. Then there are times when it gets completely shut off. No light, nothing can change how I feel. I feel so lonely no matter who is around me. I just feel like I don't have friends. I want to not feel this way. But, when I do I seem to always hurt those closest to me. That's where I get in the most trouble. So let me first hand apologize to those I have hurt. I am not that person. I am normally a very good friend and would bend over backwards for any of you. Please don't ever think that I would ever intentionally hurt you. Friends are too valuable to me, that if I didn't have you guys in my life I don't know where I would be. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. If I did then it would be easy to just change what is wrong with me.

Love,

Me!!!!

Walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT!!!

I wish I had that kind of faith sometimes. Putting your full faith in something can be hard. Sometimes I feel as though I need to see what is going on. I want to know what the next step is before I take it. So my plan is to lay it down. I don't want to know what the next step is. I don't want to know what is planned out for me. I want to open my arms and face e dry thing head on. I know that this is going to be very difficult but it is worth a shot.

So from here on out I am going to walk by faith and not by sight. I want to walk out the door tomorrow and know that I am just thankful for being alive. I have witnessed to many things here in Spring Hill, Tennessee. I have finally realize that everything happens for a reason and we have to have faith that its for His reasons. I don't know why I moved here. Well I mean I don't know what his reasoning was for me moving here but I have an idea. There is a wonderful lady that I work with and she is so nice and I see a lot of my Isaiah in her. Then there are two you g ladies that I work with that I am able to show my kindness and love to. I don't know if these two ladies and even the older lady I work with have ever had a friendship like mine. I am not really ready to move on from here because I don't think that my work is done here. I have more I want to show these women. Each one of them have beautiful souls and are special in their own ways. I want to show them what walking by faith looks like. So even if I am not ready I am still going to try. So come women take this step with me. Take a step if faith with me!

Happiness

Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose. - C.S. Lewis

This an amazing quote if you really sit down and think about it. First of all if you don't know who C.S. Lewis is, well he is a writer, an amazing one at that. We as people let other things depend on our happiness. If I have a baby then I will be happy. If I just could get a boyfriend then I would be happy. If I could move out of this town then I could be happy. If I had more friends then I could be happy. If I was prettier, skinnier, and didn't care as much then I would be happy. Well guess what, you are the only person or thing that can make you happy. Happiness comes from within. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that on the inside there isn't anything there but darkness. But, you know what your wrong. On the inside is a beautiful soul. A soul that just needs to find out who they are. We all waste time on things we think are going to make us happy. Here is the big secret to happiness. Shhhhhh don't tell anyone okay. You have to love yourself. If you don't love yourself then you will not be able to find happiness. If you don't love yourself then you need to sit down and think about the reasons you don't love yourself. You know what you could do is focus on what you need to change. Maybe that means you need to be single for awhile. Or maybe that means you cut yourself off from friends that bring you down. Or maybe you surround yourself with friends that are going to take care of you and treat you like you should be treated. So take a moment and ask yourself this question: do you love yourself?

Just wanted to add a few things. Just so you know I haven't always loved myself. It actually took me a very long time to love myself. You know I may not be the prettiest, the skinniest, and sure as heck not the quietest but, I am happy with my life, where I am, and I love me!!!!!!

Hope...

Hope. What a powerful word. We all hope for something. Some may hope for love. While others hope they get to eat at night. Some may have hope in a guy, a bottle, or drugs. While others have hope in pain. My hope goes way deeper than that. I spent a great portion of my life hoping I would meet Mr. Right. I also hoped that one day I could be the daughter my parents wanted. The thing is, is that we all go and look and hope for something in our lives. Now my hope is that my marriage will be everything that God wants it to be. I hope that the people I have met will learn something from me. I also hope that I will leave a mark on this world. Let me stop for a minute and give you the definition of hope. Wikipedia stated that Hope is the state which promotes the belief in an outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the "feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best" or the act of "look[ing] forward to something with desire and reasonable confidence" or "feel[ing] that something desired may happen". Other definitions are "to cherish a desire with anticipation"; "to desire with expectation of obtainment"; or "to expect with confidence". Regardless of what someone says they do have hope. Hope like I said can be one thing to one person and the complete opposite to another. We spend our lives as children hoping for a better life. Let me say first of all your life is fine. Let me also say that your life is also what you make of it. Believe me I have been there. I spent a few years of my life masking my pain with alcohol and drugs. I also hoped my life would end at those moments. Then I sit there and look back what if I had gotten what I hoped and wished for then I wouldn't be where I am today and meeting the people that are now in my life. Hope is a word that needs to be used for our future. Please don't hope for something that will put you through a lot of heartache and stress. Make me a promise and hope for something that is going to make your life or future better.